As you know, in many cultures, the y chromosome is mega important and often favored, even in this day and age. Sad but true. But I have to say, I’m thankful for my baby’s x chromosomes. I really am. Thank God for my baby girl. At 7, she is fierce and unapologetic for wanting to play with “boys’ toys”. I grew up with my sister and our parents loved us and never gave us any qualms about being females AND we’re Asian! Granted, being sandwiched between both Chinese and American cultures was a bit latently stressful, but never did my sister and I wish we were born with the y chromosome. We were pretty happy kids. That’s not to say, OTHER Asian people didn’t giving my parents shit about having only two girls and no boys, but whatever, what can we do about people talking.
While it is common in many Asian cultures, I was shocked to hear my fellow lab partner tell me that her Italian family also plays favorites on the y chromosome. Hmm, interesting. The verbatim of T, “My brother could light me on fire and my mom would laugh it off…” It seems like a harmless statement, and maybe even silly to imagine, but the intensity behind that simple statement is pretty strong. Now, I don’t know T very well, she’s my senior RA but from what little time I got to spend with her, she is one fierce little firecracker, she is independent, intelligent, and very assertive. Not to mention, she is uber sweet and beautiful. So, I’m not getting the “I’m bitter” vibe at all, she was just making an honest statement.
So it makes me look at M. I’m Chinese and J is Italian and Irish. J and I never, EVER conveyed to her that she must like dolls and dresses. We are super proud of our little firecracker and her Ninjago & Transformer playing self. I look at her and I thank God for her, others may play favorites or make fun but I really hope she never lose her confidence and fierceness. It makes me incredibly sad to hear stories or witness events where girls were outcasted and boys are favored. It happens more often than we realize.
M was so excited when I found a Transformer raincoat for her at the thrift store last week. The thing is cheap plastic and only cost $4 but she treated it like it was the golden cup. Today, since it wasn’t a million degrees, and it was raining, she ran back upstairs to grab it, so she can wear it to dinner. It made me smile. My girl doesn’t give a fuck what others think…but it scared me also. I don’t want her to lose that, ever. I don’t want her to ever feel pressured to conform to social…pressures.
As a mom, of course, I want so many things for my daughter. I want her to be healthy, happy, compassionate, I want her to want to learn a million things, to ask a million questions and challenge the answers if she feels it’s not adequate, I want her to have confidence and high self esteem. How do I do it? How do I help her become this positive person? We’re all human, we all go through different experience, cope with things differently, and have our own perspectives. How do I make sure, my little girl never becomes bitter, never have low self-esteem or become cynical? Low self-esteem and bitterness breaks my heart. Not to ramble or go off topic, but a professor once told me, (I’m paraphrasing here, it’s been some years) in today’s society, the motto is – my toothache is more important than your cancer. I was blown away when she said that and I doubt that I will ever forget that statement. Because it’s the truth. So how do I help a little girl be compassionate and caring yet still be equally confident and assertive.
I don’t know, I know I’m rambling…I might be going through a midlife crisis or something. Maybe I should change my major and go into philosophy. Instead of psychoanalyzing events, I should just accept it as truth. I’m just uber proud of my little girl. She really is the center of my universe. She is not perfect, far from it. She gets my goat (LOL – J & I LOVE finding old and odd phrases) and drives me bonkers sometimes…but she’s mine. She is compassionate, intelligent, and damn does that girl have a great sense of humor (I swear, she’s a carbon copy of me). And I hope she never lose any of those awesome traits. Peace, love, and happiness to you.